ONTARI-ARI-ARIOOO!!!

Quick little mention….I’m still more than excited to discover the rest of Canada. But today I have seen a new part of Ontario that I did not know existed. I love the quaint little towns that our province has to offer, but until you go North you cannot truly understand its beauties. Not trying to be lame here….but without the urban touch of chaos the forests, hills and lakes make for a scenic route that is worth every second of the 15 hour drive we engaged in.

My Night On The Floor Of The Bates Motel

Now to be honest, my biggest fear was this drive. This was the middle point of the tour, and everything was going to be driven up a notch after the Kingston show due to the distances that needed to be traveled between shows. We had to drive Kingston to Thunder Bay in two days, that’s almost 2,000 km. If anything bad happened on this leg, we were fucked. The good part of it is that this van is probably the most comfortable mode of transportation I have ever encountered next to either VIA 1 or a Cruise. There is tons of legroom, all the chairs turn into beds, and we have power, PS2, tv, and many more fun oddities of the road. While some of the guys were getting stir crazy I actually enjoyed the fact that we weren’t rushing to get to the next show. We picked up about $150 worth of fireworks that are more than likely to make it into a youtube video of some sort. We finally rolled into Wawa, Ontario (only place to stop between Sault Ste. Marie & Thunder Bay) at around 12am. It was a giant white old house that creaked and was almost certainly 100% empty. I hate to say it, but I was scared. We were in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night, at an empty old musty hotel. I don’t even want to know what went on in there. We were greeted with the friendly sign: “FOR ROOM RENTALS, SEE BARKEEP”. I tossed and turned on the floor for a few hours until Storm & Co. arrived. I didn’t really get any sleep, but they did take care of us the next morning for which we are so ever grateful. I can’t comment on what relationships are usually like between openers and headliners, but everybody is definitely treated as equals. I think we would only have more fun if we were all on a tour bus together. Right now we are on our way to “Tunder Baay!”. As sad as it is…this is the last week.

What's Up North Baaay?!

Everybody was looking forward to North Bay again due to the awesomeness of the last show their. To jog your memory North Bay was the last show of the highly touted and legendary Gilbyin’ Across Canada Tour. It was headlined by Gilby Clarke (Guns N’ Roses/Rock Star: Supernova) and featured special guests Storm Large & Channel One. The show was in a theatre and it was packed, Channel One had the entire house on their feet before the end of the first song. Everybody sold ridiculous amounts of merch and felt like ultimate rock stars. Basically, there couldn’t have been a better way to end the tour. The fact that this all happened in North Bay made it all the more unexpected. This time the show was a little different as it was 19+ at a spot called the Evolution Nightclub. It was intimate and kind of unique, although the people at the bar seemed to hate it. The girls were very cute, it seems that there are a lot of hot girls in the small towns…. or maybe they are more obvious because there are so few places to hang out? We ate at a little joint called “The Moose” and proceeded to delve into our normal pre-show routine. While listening to the sponsoring radio station we heard numerous plugs for Channel One featuring their latest single “Always” (http://www.myspace.com/channeloneband). That made everybody in an especially good mood and the club made for a great little show. Afterwards we had some fun, but it required the ultimate level of restraint for Patty & myself. At the end of the day, we are professionals.

Back To The Future...

Why, Why, Why? Why did the booking agent have to make a night off in Ottawa? Who wants to go home in the middle of the tour? Oh right, I forgot. I am the booking agent. Oh well. It was kind of nice to be home to do some laundry and pick up some items that may have been forgotten. But at the end of the day it was not what I wanted to be reminded of after being on the road for over a week. Luckily, we were there for about 24 hours and by the same time the next day I was in the Ottawa hotel getting back down to business. This show provided another adventure that would require non-drinkage to be successful. We had double shows, meaning an early AA show and a later 19+ show. Not only does this put a toll on the bar staff and production people, but it always strains the talent. Instead of catching up with some friends I haven’t seen in a while I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Luckily I did get to see Ms.Foley who was stunning as always as well as some other un-expected HMV folk that over-indulged on some excessive amounts of Grey Goose & Red Bull. All in all is was a fun night and it wasn’t all bad to spend 24 hours in Ottawa, since it stepped up a bit since last time.

One State, Two State, Three State, Four...

Now the name of the tour is “Stormin’ Across Canada”, for the ill informed this is due to the fact that I am touring with Ms. Rockstar Storm Large. I thought it was quite funny, which ultimately meant it was quite lame, which in the end made it the finest moniker for the tour. Unfortunately, what I did not expect was that STORMS would ACTUALLY follow us ACROSS Canada. It seemed whenever we were about to arrive in another city a giant storm would erupt. In Barrie, it was probably the strongest out of all the cities. We literally were avoiding giant mud puddles while we were loading in the gear. Some may have thought that chaos ensued due to the four bands on the bill with all separate backlines but I pretty much like to think I had the reign over the parade. The radio was all over this and it was fun to be in a bit of a different situation for once. 

Although it has only been about 2 weeks across Ontario, it literally seems like a giant blur. It’s hard to tell one hotel, bar, rest stop, or city from another. Eventually everything looks exactly the same, except some a little worst than others. The show had four different bands, all with their own pride, egos and protectionism. This shouldn’t be a surprise; we’re talking about rock bands on a multi-bill show in Barrie on a Tuesday. What should be a surprise is that we were exactly on Schedule. EXACTLY! Now really, I’m not trying to brag. It should have been common knowledge that at some point we were going to run late. It was just a matter of how late, why we were late, and what I would have to do to rectify the situation so people could go to bed before 4am. So the night basically went off without a hitch, and we finally hit the first day off. In my hometown, of Ottawa.

In Through The Out Door

So the tales of London were quite adventurous due to the excellent hospitality of Mr.Tony Lima. Looking forward to another stop at Call The Office again in the near future. Toronto is always fun, if not only because it is basically the Entertainment Capital of Canada. It’s Not New York….It’s Not LA….Hell it’s not even Chicago…But I’ll Take It! Thanks to our good friends at priceline.com we got a great rate at a swanky hotel that only added to the fueling of egos that had been snowballing over the last few days. We shopped, drank, and ordered room service like the Rock Stars we are, were, or are soon to be. All of this was quickly washed away when one of the common facades of life on the road reared it’s ugly head again….Vikki was sick!

Quick Lesson:

Vikki- Channel One Van

Tori – Channel One Trailer

Mindy – Channel One Luggage Carrier

We still managed to drink our faces off before the show and thanks to our good friend Ms.Largey we were able to bring the gear back in her vehicle and get Vikki fixed the next day at a Canadian Tire. There were a lot of important industry people ath the show including some celebrity spottings, Ms. Suzie McNeil (cough cough) and some good old friends…most notably Chi Fang of the legendary Canadian metal band Crimson. A few after-parties ensued before it was finally lights out. It would be at least another 12 hours before we even began to deal with Vikki’s problem. Lee’s Palace was great and we had a fun-filled Rockstar fuelled day-off in Toronto.  Corey was enjoying the successes of the “JOEY BEE DIET” and Matt was enjoying the successes of not eating or shitting.

Onto Windsor the next day, it seems that the rockstar lifestyle caught up with us a bit. Due to another shopping exploit at H & M we only left Toronto at 4:00 pm. This is a time where we are usually entering a city on the day of a show instead of leaving to one. We got to Windsor super-late and to make matters worst it was as hot as a bitch in the woods. The show started a little late but due to the tremendous strength of the crowd there it was well worth it. I had a lot of fun at the merch table that night and the hospitality of Mike and The Roxy will not be soon forgotten. The hotel was the hottest place on earth and I was happy to leave the next morning to Barrie.

 

50 Miles To Idaho

A week into the tour, and I don't want it to end. The group of people out here are amazing, and if I could bottle it up and give you all a taste I would. I'm usually not a fan of people that start a blog frequently and then stop so I'm going to try to run past the last few shows after Kitchener. Just an FYI, the Guess store in Kitchener has the hottest girls in all of Ontario.

London was pretty wild, we started off the day by going to this english soccer pub where we had gone on the last tour. The significance of this is that this is where the idea for the Storm tour was launched. Unfortunately this did cause a run on the toilets for the rest of the day. The "corner club" had some more sound problems and unfortunately rockstar extraordinaire Gilby Clarke (this guy can actually do anything) was not around to fix it. After putting my ears up to the monitors it became apparent there was no sound coming out of them. London always seems to be a hot and wild place, it was pretty packed by the time Stormy hit the stage. This was also a unique show because I learned some of the quirks of being a Tour Manager. There have been many ideas, theories and philosophies I have banked about certain aspects of life on the road and I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little proud to see them in good use. After the London show things were pretty crazy, I do remember almost running away from a skunk.

Almost 4am, will finish tomorrow...

But I'm Not Sleeping

"I need you tonight...but I'm not sleeping!"

Oh INXS, how rare I would think it is that right now I am quoting a song that I think to be wise. But out of context it may be a proper assumption. It is one of those nights where I just don't want to go to bed, everybody has them. You're having a good time and you are excited, everything is going right, and all of a sudden everybody else in the room as you shut off the lights and pass out. It would only be more of a surprise if it was the first time that this has happened to me.

The fact of the matter is...Joey Bee is a nighthawk. It eventually happens to you when you play enough shows, and enter the "rockstar lifestyle". As many a person will tell you when you rock AND roll (as Matt often does) the normal rules just don't apply. Rockstars are on a different schedule. Now this is not the schedule for THIS tour, this is the schedule for the "last" tour. It goes something like this:

ROCKSTAR SCHEDULE:

4am-12pm: Sleep

12:00-12:01pm: Enquire if free Hotel Continental Breakfast is available

12:01-12:05pm: Find Tour Manager and curse for missing free breakfast, tell him he is now paying for lunch.

12:05-12:10pm: Make some phoners and shoot some B-Roll.

12:10-12:15pm: Eat at nearest fast food joint, complain for not serving beer.

12:15-5:00pm: Drive 120/kmph to ensure late arrival at next venue.

5:00pm: Begin night of conflict with venue manager/promoter.

6:00pm: Soundcheck

7:00pm: Drinking really kicks in right about here...THERE IS A SHOW TO PLAY!

8:00pm: Make life difficult.

9:00pm: Push stage time back because obviously people are late.

10:00pm: I think this time has something to do with playing music?

11:00pm-4:00am: Excessive Drinking

Rise Cold, Wash Dry & Repeat!

P.S. Please understand this is a joke, don't read too much into this and think I'm trying to make a political commentary about somebody. If that was the case, I wouldn't be so cryptic. It's Friday, and I hope everybody gets a little laugh about how comical life on the road may be....if only after two shows.

One Night In Ontario's Lower Bowels...

It's 9pm, and I've already had 6 beers on the way up...It's Tour Time Again! Hamilton is always a unique experience - it reminds me of broken bottles, toilet garbage cans, and numerous items being sent down an elevator to an unsuspecting overnight hotel clerk. I almost felt sorry for him...Opps, I said too much.

The first day of the tour was met with the usual amount of chaos and mayhem, the fact that it was usual made it all the more normal. It was good to see old friends again and get re-acquainted, I look forward to the many "adventures" that are bound to occur over the next few weeks. There are alot of important things going down in Toronto and the press is unbelievable, so keep track of Entertainment Tonight and other major national media outlets and you might just catch a glimpse.  

The hotel made the mistake of providing the Playboy Channel, right now I'm in a room where a certain band is over-dubbing the dialogue of Playboy's latest reality exploit.

Alright - almost stage time. Will post again when I have something worthwhile to say.